


Hold On

by Artemis1000



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Angst, Complicated Relationships, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, M/M, SniperPilot Spring, Wartime Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-27
Updated: 2018-04-27
Packaged: 2019-04-28 04:59:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14441883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Artemis1000/pseuds/Artemis1000
Summary: The war has lasted too long, it's steadily wearing them down. They will have to find the strength to hold on. Somehow.





	Hold On

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [Sniperpilot Spring](https://sniperpilot-prompts.tumblr.com/) Day 1 - Friday to the themes of Protea and Sunflower. _Protea – Courage; Transformation; Someone who has been fighting too long_ and _Sunflower – The dedication to weather all storms together and emerge victorious on the other side_

They were in love. They were good together. Everybody saw it, everybody said so.

They didn’t see the walls that remained up behind closed doors, the silences, the nights when they reached for another but couldn’t bring themselves to bridge the last inch because it felt somehow dishonest to reach for another when they weren’t truly reaching out.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Cassian had said when Bodhi mustered up all his courage and confronted him about it just yesterday.

He had wanted to tell Cassian that this silence was hurting them more than words could, but before he got the chance the klaxons had echoed through the base and Bodhi had had to run – his squadron was called to battle.

By the time he made it back to base, his squadron short a pilot and the one they’d been called to bail out of trouble cut down by half.

He was utterly unsurprised to return to empty quarters. Empty, indeed, no signs of a life other than his own. With Cassian so used to living a life that left behind no traces that he kept it up even on base, their quarters often looked as if he were the only one living there.

He slumped on the bed, absent-mindedly opening his sweaty flight suit, too tired for the shower he needed. After a nap, maybe. After… He picked up the flexi left on his pillow, the one sign of his existence Cassian always left behind when the missing gear bag already told Bodhi that he had been called away.

He activated the flexi, unsurprised to find it holding no other information than what he had already deduced.

He had gone on a mission. No details, no time frame.

Once, when they were still learning how to be more than friends, the reticence had been hurtful. Since then, Bodhi had been put into an X-Wing cockpit and learned that the things you most burned to share with the one you loved were classified – he had also learned that the most important, most lethal missions were the ones so secret you weren’t even allowed to say goodbye.

“Force,” he groaned and buried his face in his hands. He dug his fingers through his hair, sweaty and sticky, and half come loose from the bun he’d worn it in under his flight helmet.

He closed his eyes and saw the TIEs exploding again. Tried not to wonder whether any of them had been piloted by the boys he went to flight school with. If any of them would have turned if given the chance. If…

Bodhi gritted his teeth and cut off that line of thought. Shuttle pilots could afford to think like that. Fighter pilots couldn’t. On days like this, he missed being a shuttle pilot.

Kriff it, they needed this war to be over already.

 

Bodhi was just on the verge of falling asleep when the door opened, letting in a sliver of light. He flicked on the lights and sat up in bed.

Cassian looked tired, there was that haunted look in his eyes which Bodhi had started to recognize from when he looked into the mirror.

“Hey. How was your mission?”

He had learned not to ask what had happened on the mission, it just put more pressure on Cassian when he was at his weakest to figure out how he could not-answer and not hurt Bodhi’s feelings without slipping up on anything classified.

“I…” Cassian just looked at him, his face blank. He dropped his duffel bag and slumped on the edge of the bed – Bodhi found himself starkly reminded of his own return, only he had been alone then. Cassian didn’t have to be alone if he didn’t wish to.

They sat in silence.

Bodhi’s fingers twitched, he kneaded the blanket, he _hurt_ with the need to reach for Cassian, to soothe away the tension that still gripped him. He hurt with it, and yet he found himself trapped. Too frightened to reach for him and find his touch unwelcome.

He licked his dry lips. “It won’t be forever.” He stifled a cringe. He had hoped to sound reassuring, yet it had come out plaintive instead.

Cassian turned his head, looking at him – at least there was that, he was finally looking at him, and he didn’t look numb or even haunted anymore. There was a frown on his face now – and then he reached out, reaching for the bruises that still peppered Bodhi’s shoulders from a more-crash-than-landing landing, the seatbelts imprinted on his skin in blacks and blues. His touch was gentle, it felt like an apology.

“Hey, it’s okay. The war will end.”

Cassian’s lips twisted and he withdrew his hand. “There will be other battles to fight.”

Well. “There will. But it won’t be like this.” He was proud of the conviction he’d managed to put into his voice this time. It would get better, this was something he told himself every time he wanted to despair. It would. He had to cling to hope. He had bet on hope when he went and sought out Saw Gerrera out of all people though reason said it would be his certain death, and then Cassian had come.

He sighed heavily. “No. No, it won’t.”

Maybe deep down Cassian was already braced for things to be _worse_ , he was really rotten at optimism for someone who liked to speak of rebellions being built on hope, but he wasn’t insisting on it.

Instead, he was reaching for Bodhi again and this time, Bodhi moved closer. He wrapped his arms around Cassian, his chest against Cassian’s back, arms wrapped around him tightly – but slow and careful in tightening his hold, just in case Cassian had returned with bruises of his own. There was no telltale wince or hiss, so he held on as tight as he yearned to and inhaled his scent – and ignored that he could have sworn Cassian still smelled of blaster fire.

Bodhi closed his eyes when Cassian turned around in his embrace, clinging to Cassian while Cassian clung to him, and he was content in knowing that just this once there were no invisible walls holding them back from finding solace in another.

“We just have to hold on.”


End file.
